Illustration for article titled ‘Please, Melania, Don’t Leave Us!’ Pleads King Of Wooded Faerie Realm As First Lady Climbs Back Into Tree Hollowem/em

DEWDROP FOREST—Beseeching the eldritch demigoddess whom all creatures have come to revere as the Queen of Ash and Linden to remain in the arboreal realm for just one more moonrise to grant the dryads aid and succor in their upcoming battle against the spider warlocks, Faerie King Trysmuir pleaded in vain for Melania Trump to remain among the Fair Folk Monday as she solemnly climbed back into the hollow of the enchanted tree she’d chanced across while exploring the White House grounds nearly a month ago. “Please, Melania, our dear Mistress Meliae, don’t leave us! You belong here—stay, and rule as ensorcelling enchantress of the fae-forest entire!” cried the handsome, winged ruler to the quietly weeping first lady as a throng of forest denizens from sobbing wood-nymphs to heartbroken sylphs to the humblest of sorrowful chipmunks tugged on her cloak of starlight and nipped the ankles of her woven-fern slippers in a futile attempt to prevent her leave-taking. “You’ve dwelt among us for two-and-twenty days, Melania—our mossy bourne has become your true home! How could you ever return to the dull world of discord, clamor and cruelty from whence you came? Please abide, we beg of you!” Elven sources reported that Melania spake not a word, but gazed upon each and all of her newfound friends with brimming eyes, pressed a small purple amulet of remembrance into the hand of the King, and disappeared from the hollow into a shimmering purple cloud, violets and asters blooming where her o’er-welling tears kissed the blessed earth.


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