MILWAUKEE—Interrupted midway through answering a question about how he would reform the nation’s tax code, Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul was reportedly escorted off stage roughly an hour into Tuesday’s GOP primary debate after falling below the minimum 2.5 percent polling threshold necessary for participating in the forum. “Our current tax system is broken, and the only way to fix it is—let go of me! No, no, just let me have another 30 seconds, please!” said Paul, his voice growing faster and more frantic as he tried to outline his entire campaign platform before Republican National Committee security could break his grip on his podium and drag him off camera. “Overregulation is hurting small business owners and payroll taxes need to be abolished while the U.S. scales back its involvement in foreign wars and ensures strong protections for religious freedom, oh, and the TARP bailout was a mistake, sentences for nonviolent drug offenses should be reduced, and as president I would veto any law attempting to restrict the right to bear arms, and wait, wait! Nooooo!” At press time, John Kasich was nervously attempting to rush through a response on health care as security guards approached his side of the stage.

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