WASHINGTON—According to a Pew Research Center report released Monday that analyzed the Republican candidate’s chances of winning the general election in November, the only thing currently standing between Donald Trump and the presidency is the nation that made him a billionaire celebrity. “We are looking at an extremely tight race for the White House that will ultimately come down to the preferences of an electorate that has enabled Trump to amass an incredible fortune and maintain a prominent place in the national spotlight for over 30 years,” said lead researcher Moira Larson, explaining that the lone remaining obstacle to Trump becoming commander-in-chief was securing enough support from voters who routinely read multiple articles about him every single day and tune in to his every televised appearance just to see him speak. “Based on our findings, the people of this country—who have enabled him to profit wildly off of numerous luxury products and real estate holdings, closely followed his romantic exploits in the tabloids for decades, and watched multiple television shows he’s hosted or produced—are now the sole barrier to Trump taking the highest political office in the world.” The report follows on the heels of a related study showing that the major obstacle standing between Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton and the Oval Office is a nation that doesn’t like women possessing any authority whatsoever.

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