RUCKERSVILLE, VA—Citing the recent finalization of Laura’s divorce from her husband of 12 years, sources within the Bronwyn household confirmed Tuesday that the family’s Democratic majority is now in serious jeopardy. “With Eric moving out, the stage looks to be set for a swift and decisive Republican takeover of the house,” said political analyst Jake Schumacher, calling the registered Democrat’s departure the biggest shift in the balance of power since the 2010 death of Grandpa, which ended over a decade of conservative rule at Bronwyn family gatherings. “If things continue at the current rate, we could see a complete reshaping of the family’s agenda on key issues such as taxes, the local school curriculum, and whether [Tea Party supporter] Aunt Marjorie needs to get off her high horse already.” Schumacher added that if the girls don’t come back home from college for break, the family’s Democrats could be in for a major trouncing come Thanksgiving.

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