Illustration for article titled Report: Peaceful Transfer Of Power Makes Last-Minute Push To Become Most Pressing Issue Of 2016 Election

WASHINGTON—Saying the subject came “completely out of nowhere,” Americans across the country reported Thursday that they were taken aback by how the peaceful transfer of executive power in the United States was making a surprise last-minute push to become the most pressing issue of the 2016 election. “Boy, I tell you, deep-seated fear about whether we as a nation can pass authority from the current president to the incoming one without the threat of violence wasn’t even on my radar, but now all of a sudden, it’s gunning for the top spot as my main concern this election—I did not see that coming,” said Purcellville, VA resident Owen Packard, echoing the sentiments of tens of millions of Americans who admitted they were “totally unprepared” for the eleventh-hour attempt by the nation’s faith in fair elections to make a play for being their number-one worry with less than three weeks to go before voters cast their ballots. “Honestly, the economy and terrorism seemed like they had this thing wrapped up for the longest time. And then when sexual assault and the rights of women suddenly vaulted ahead of both of them as the most crucial issue facing voters, I thought that had to be it until Election Day. But, wow, the undermining of the most fundamental principle of our democracy? That one totally blindsided me.” Additional reports found that there was likely still enough time for a desperate, last-gasp effort by the specter of a coordinated civilian rebellion to supplant all other subjects as the most critical issue in this year’s race.

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