COLLODI, ITALY—Sipping from a glass of wine at a small outdoor café in a small Tuscan hill town, Special Counsel Robert Mueller confirmed Tuesday that he was feeling dread about returning from his two-month European vacation to start the investigation into Russia meddling in the 2016 presidential campaign. “I’ve been pushing it all to the back of my mind and trying to relax, because I know that when I get back I’ll be slammed with a ton of annoying phone calls, emails, and paperwork,” said Mueller, who reportedly has been touring Italian vineyards for the past two weeks after completing a sailing expedition through the Greek isles in a “much-needed escape” from Washington, D.C. before beginning his probe into potential collusion between Russia and the Trump presidential campaign. “I took a quick peek at my phone the other day, and I had 1,200 unread messages. God, I don’t want to go back. I know the work is just going to keep piling up the longer I put it off, but it’s heaven here. I never want to leave.” At press time, Mueller was rescheduling his return flight back to America to fit in a few days of scuba diving and parasailing in the French Riviera.

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