Rudy Giuliani Releases Video Of Himself Masturbating To Show What It Would Actually Look Like

Illustration for article titled Rudy Giuliani Releases Video Of Himself Masturbating To Show What It Would Actually Look Like

WASHINGTON—In response to a compromising scene featured in the Borat sequel in which the president’s personal attorney claimed to be tucking in his shirt, Rudy Giuliani released a video of himself masturbating Thursday to show what it would actually look like. “You thought that was masturbating? I’ll show you masturbating,” said Giuliani in a blurry iPhone video that he released to every major national news outlet, which showed the former New York City mayor getting completely naked and weeping as he vigorously pleasured himself. “Hopefully, this footage of me beating my meat to toe-curling completion will dispel any salacious claims about what took place in that hotel. I’ve also shared this with the FBI so they can authenticate it. If you don’t see me standing in the middle of my living room jacking off to a family photo album, then you can rest assured I wasn’t masturbating.” At press time, Giuliani vowed to release a new video of him masturbating every day until the election to help prevent the spread of disinformation.

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