VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican. “God bless you, Mr. Trump!” said Vincenzo Endrizzi, an ordained pastor from the blue-collar Southern archdiocese of Lecce, who was clad in a well-worn cassock dirtied from spending hard hours leading worship and who was seen sipping sacramental wine from a koozie while holding up a handmade sign denouncing the “Holy See deep state.” “We need leaders like you to take on the blasphemous bureaucrats. We’ll get rid of this cuck pope real quick and put a maverick in the papal apartment!” At press time, a number of the archbishops, many of whom were heard shouting slurs against the Eastern Orthodox Church, had begun clashing with a group of younger cosmopolitan deacons who had gathered outside the Sistine Chapel to protest the president’s visit.

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