HOUSTON—Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), long a champion of the country's most advantaged Americans, was honored for his 20 years of work with the overprivileged Sunday. "John has dedicated his life and career to helping the uptrodden, believing in the common billionaire oil man who just needs that extra push to be able to pick himself up and increase his wealth and power without having to worry about paying taxes," said oil tycoon T. Boone Pickens, adding that without Sen. Cornyn, he and dozens like him would just barely be hanging on to their spots on Forbes magazine's World's Richest People list. "Few men have done so much for those few who already have so much." Cornyn later delivered a speech in which he vowed to continue his work with the nation's least needy, after which he was presented with the key to Houston's finest gated communities.
More from The Onion