Illustration for article titled Superstitious Clinton Refusing To Change Her Beliefs Following Hot Streak In Polls

NEW YORK—Telling staff members she was “on a roll” and didn’t want to “jinx it,” a superstitious Hillary Clinton reportedly stated Monday that as long as her ongoing hot streak in the polls continues, she’s not going to change a single one of her beliefs. “I’ve been on fire for the past week, so I’m just going to stick with all the current political convictions I’ve got right now and see how far this takes me,” said the Democratic presidential nominee, noting that when a platform of a $12-an-hour minimum wage, opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership, and ending mass incarceration is paying off in the polls, you don’t “tempt fate” by switching up even one of your principles. “Maybe I’ll get back to changing my views again if my luck runs out and Trump regains an edge in swing states, but until then, you better get used to me holding the same firm stances against the Keystone XL pipeline and for tight federal gun control measures.” As of press time, a new poll out of Nevada had reportedly prompted Clinton to consider slipping into her lucky old position on illegal immigration.


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