Supreme Court Rules Gay Rights Do Not Extend To Dessert

Illustration for article titled Supreme Court Rules Gay Rights Do Not Extend To Dessert

WASHINGTON—In a controversial 7-2 decision that has left civil liberties advocates fuming, the U.S. Supreme Court Monday ruled that gay rights do not extend to dessert. “While homosexuals do have the right to get married, the right to equal treatment does not cover instances of pastry, cake, or candy,” said Senior Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy, noting that the law draws a clear line of demarcation between discrimination taking place during a meal’s main course, which is illegal, and bigotry occurring later, over pie or tiramisu, which is protected by the First Amendment rights of the confectioner. “We are choosing to define ‘dessert’ in the broadest possible terms. This means that gay rights will not be applicable in cases of ice cream, sorbet, decorative cookies, or any other post-meal treats, be they sweet or savory. Tiny glasses of port and cheese plates will also fall under the umbrella of ‘dessert’ unless they are consumed before the entrée and defined specifically as ‘apéritifs’ in the appropriate section of the relevant menu.” Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sonia Sotomayor dissented to the decision, citing irreconcilable time-of-day-related ambiguities in the meal-versus-course classification of the common donut.

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