Illustration for article titled Tearful Tim Kaine Wandering Around Backstage At Debate Asking If Anyone Has Seen His Running Mate

FARMVILLE, VA—Calling out her name while frantically searching the theater’s wings, a tearful Senator Tim Kaine was reportedly wandering around backstage before the vice presidential debate Tuesday asking if anyone had seen his running mate, Hillary Clinton. “Did anyone see a blond lady who is running for president? I can’t find her,” said the clearly distressed Kaine, who explained between sobs that he had grabbed a woman’s hand in the backstage area before realizing that it didn’t belong to the Democratic presidential nominee. “She was right here a second ago. Where’d she go? When I came back from that room that has cookies and water in it, she was gone. Oh no, do you think she forgot all about me? I really want her to come back.” At press time, moderator Elaine Quijano was making an announcement over the public address system to inform Clinton that Kaine was lost.

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