The Trump White House’s Fourth Of July Celebration Schedule

Illustration for article titled The Trump White House’s Fourth Of July Celebration Schedule

Each year, the White House hosts an Independence Day celebration. Here is what the Trump White House has planned this year.


8:00 a.m.

Staff present the president with a one-page report laying out what the Fourth of July is


9:00 a.m.

Military honor guard to fire a volley for each of Trump’s 304 electoral votes

10:00 a.m.

Children gather on the South Lawn for the annual White House Roman Candle Hunt

10:30 a.m.

President Trump signs the original Declaration of Independence

11:00 a.m.

First Lady Melania Trump takes Barron to Six Flags for the day

12:00 p.m.

Speech by President Trump honoring veterans and promising to create more of them than any other president in history


3:30 p.m.

Reince Priebus to be fired seconds after taking a huge bite of potato salad

4:00 p.m.

Reveal of Ivanka Trump’s all-new American flag, which she designed with working women in mind


5:00 p.m.

Email sent out by Sean Spicer letting everyone know that he’s still got plenty of burgers at his backyard barbecue if anyone wants to come by


8:00 p.m.

Send Eric Trump to bed with a stomachache after eating too many sparklers

8:30 p.m.

Senior economist Greg Leiserson performs beautiful a capella version of “God Bless The USA”


9:00 p.m.

Fireworks display will serve as strong show of force toward D.C. suburbs


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