RICHMOND, VA—Pulling the cheddar-flavored snacks from his right pants pocket, Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine reportedly crammed a fistful of Goldfish crackers into one of his voting precinct’s ballot scanners Tuesday. “You look hungry,” said Kaine, who enthusiastically mashed the fish-shaped crackers into the scanner’s ballot feed slot before inserting a juice box straw into the opening and squirting fruit punch into the device. “There you go, Mr. Machine. Hope you liked your num nums!” At press time, Kaine had reportedly inserted ballot marking pens into each nostril and slid across the floor while barking like a walrus.

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