Trump Cabinet Officials Resentful Of Increasing Power Wielded By Live-In Caregiver

WASHINGTON—Increasingly concerned about the sway the woman exerted over the commander in chief, Trump cabinet officials have reportedly grown resentful of the power wielded by live-in caregiver Isabella Velazquez, 45, White House sources confirmed Monday. “Don’t get me wrong, it was great when she was just around to help feed the president or wipe his face clean before press scrums, but there’s something wrong about Isabella insisting she always be there to hand-deliver his intelligence reports or listen in on calls with foreign dignitaries,” said Secretary of the Interior David Bernhardt, expressing his deep frustration with a recent incident in which the middle-aged nurse abruptly cut off a joint chiefs of staff meeting in order to wheel Trump into the Lincoln Bedroom for his daily nap. “She’s constantly by his side. And with things like this Syria troop withdrawal, she snaps at anyone who questions whether this policy is coming from her or the president. At this point, if an official even asks about the president’s pill regimen, they’re out. Christ, why do you think Bolton’s gone?” Several White House officials went on to cast doubt about whether Trump had truly given Velazquez the Presidential Medal of Honor or if she simply found it while tidying up the Oval Office.

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