CLEVELAND—Noting that there are millions of entrepreneurs throughout the country who are in the same difficult position, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump responded to a question about the economy at Thursday night’s primary debate by sharing an anecdote about meeting a struggling small business owner who isn’t half the man he is. “Last month, I was speaking with John Perkins, a good, hardworking fellow who runs his own grocery store in Waterloo, Iowa, and who, like so many others out there, is a pathetic, small-time loser without a single shred of my business skills,” said Trump, who explained that Perkins’ recent struggles to keep his business afloat are a direct result of his incompetence and total lack of qualifications for the job, adding that Perkins’ “embarrassing rinky-dink operation is peanuts” compared to The Trump Organization. “This bozo has no idea what he’s doing. In fact, he might be the worst grocery store owner in the entire state of Iowa. I could run a grocery store that’s 1,000 times better than this lightweight’s. But he’s worried his kids may not be able to go to college, and it’s no surprise, given how stupid those little slobs sounded when I talked to them. I’m telling you, this family has no shot. No shot.” Trump added that under his administration, he will buy out morons like Perkins and turn their businesses into the finest, top-of-the-line moneymakers.

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