WASHINGTON—Offering an overview of Americans’ opinions of the commander in chief’s job performance, a new poll released Friday indicated that President Trump’s disapproval rating had reached an all-time none of this matters. The report, released by who really cares which of the utterly useless polling firms and corroborated by several leading increasingly feckless news organizations, confirmed that well over half of those surveyed for really no goddamn reason. In addition, the poll found strong support for who gives a shit, it’s just a bunch of fucking numbers. Sources explained that the change in the polls was in response to something the president did or said that is similar to things he has done or said for years, and that the disapproval rating would change on a whim soon just like it does with every president because those surveyed will have gotten mad about something else or forgotten about it or are just unable to contextualize current events within any sort of historical or societal framework, so simply gathering and staring at a bunch of different statistics doesn’t mean jack shit. At press time, a new poll had found that President Trump’s disapproval rating was now at, Jesus Christ, a sizable portion of the country supports and has always supported an openly white supremacist president and the party he leads, and a bunch of goddamn numerical ratings aren’t going to do a fucking thing to change that.

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