WASHINGTON—Insisting that his administration was nothing less than “a well-oiled machine,” President Donald Trump dismissed continued concerns over chaos in the White House Friday after a pack of feral dogs claimed a fourth West Wing room as their territory. “Honestly, this was not a room that we needed anymore—there are many other rooms to meet in, if we want to meet for some reason, so this one has gone over to the dogs, or we let it be taken by dogs, which, you know, that’s okay,” said Trump, fresh blood seeping through the bandages on his hands and face as he reiterated that staff had the situation completely under control and would continue to throw raw meat into the dogs’ rooms each day in order to ensure the pack did not range farther into the executive facilities in search of food. “We are absolutely focused on making America great again, because whether these dogs are in 3 rooms, or even maybe they get up to 6 rooms, or even more rooms, maybe, that doesn’t matter. I’m more concerned about the Democrats, or the obstructionist Democrats, than I am about 40 to 60 dogs roaming the White House. These are mostly medium-sized dogs, many breeds, not large dogs like some are saying. There are greyhounds and German shepherds, and I think labradors. It is hard to tell. But when I got here, there were hundreds of dogs running wild, let in by Obama. Obama’s dogs. What’s left are our dogs and very few of which have rabies, but there are less of them now. The area is restricted, and I have been told that there is very little chance they’ll move into the Oval Office, which is where I often am.” Trump also confirmed that he would soon announce a new pick for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development to replace Ben Carson, who was recently devoured by dogs. 

Advertisement