Trump Family To Halt Big Bath They All Take Together Every Night During President’s Quarantine

Illustration for article titled Trump Family To Halt Big Bath They All Take Together Every Night During President’s Quarantine

WASHINGTON—Citing an abundance of caution following President Donald Trump’s coronavirus diagnosis, the White House announced Wednesday that the Trump family would be discontinuing its practice of taking a big bath together every night until the president recovered. “We are exercising every precaution to stop the spread of Covid, so until his quarantine is over, the president and his family will halt their beloved tradition of all piling into a giant tub for a nighttime washing,” said White House chief of staff Mark Meadows, confirming that the Trumps would be unable to slosh around in the warm water and line up to get their backs scrubbed by a soapy loofah for at least the next 10 days. “We have implemented new safety procedures such as moving the basin to an open-air location on the front lawn and sterilizing all rubber duckies and toy submarines between baths in order to ensure family tub time can resume as soon as possible.” At press time, Don Jr. and Eric had reportedly taken advantage of the two weeks without a bath by getting absolutely filthy playing in the White House Rose Garden.

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