Trump Ramps Up Attacks On John McCain By Dragging Senator’s Exhumed Corpse Behind Motorcade

WASHINGTON—Doubling down on his criticism of the departed lawmaker in the face of bipartisan condemnation, President Trump ramped up his attacks Thursday against the late John McCain by exhuming the senator’s corpse and dragging it behind his presidential motorcade. “I’m having some trouble understanding the strategy behind unearthing the body of this true American hero, chaining it to the bumper of a limousine, and driving it around our nation’s capital,” said Sen. Mitt Romney (R-UT), who added that shackling McCain’s half-decomposed remains by the neck to the presidential state car and speeding through D.C.’s most pothole-ridden streets would only serve to distract people from Trump’s important policy initiatives. “It’s not only counterproductive, but an insult to John McCain’s memory to see his lifeless body bouncing and flailing across the National Mall like that. It certainly wasn’t necessary for them to exceed 55 miles on the Beltway. I’d really prefer if the president refrained from such conduct.” At press time, sources confirmed Trump had further escalated his attacks against the late senator by off-roading with the corpse through the rugged terrain of Rock Creek Park.

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