WASHINGTON—Suddenly rethinking his selection amid an already tumultuous confirmation process, President Donald Trump told reporters Wednesday he regrets choosing Brett Kavanaugh after hearing the Supreme Court nominee talk extensively about the high regard in which he holds women. “Whoa, hang on—when I nominated him, I thought it was pretty clear where he stood with the opposite sex, but now he’s on TV going on and on about how all women are entitled to dignity and respect,” said the president, explaining that while he was on board with Kavanaugh’s decision to deny all accusations of sexual assault, he began to have second thoughts after hearing his nominee describe a lifelong record of promoting equality for women. “I’m thinking, Is this really the type of guy I want on the highest court in the land? I’d be fine if he were just going around talking about how much he values women who are beautiful, but he shouldn’t be saying all this other stuff. What if it affects the way he rules? I should probably just withdraw the nomination before people start questioning my judgment.” At press time, sources reported President Trump had placed a frantic phone call to U.S. circuit judge Amy Barrett, saying her views on women could definitely be trusted.

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