Trump Rioter Knocks On Senate Door To Ask About Retrieving Left-Behind Car Keys

Illustration for article titled Trump Rioter Knocks On Senate Door To Ask About Retrieving Left-Behind Car Keys

WASHINGTON—Returning to the legislative chamber mere days after violently forcing his way inside with thousands of fellow insurrectionists, 37-year-old Trump rioter Joshua McSherry reportedly knocked on the Senate door Monday to ask about retrieving the set of car keys he had left behind while storming the U.S. Capitol building. “Hey, this is super embarrassing, but has anyone seen a key to a Ford Escape around here?” said McSherry, who gingerly poked his head into the room and mouthed the word “sorry” before edging to the front of the chamber to check for the missing keys under the dais. “I’m not interrupting, am I? I was just here last week smashing some windows in—I don’t know if you remember. I already checked some of the offices, but they weren’t there. Anyway, they’re on a Mickey Mouse lanyard if that helps. Also, does somebody here know where I can find Ilhan Omar? No reason, just asking.” At press time, several Republican senators were crawling around on their hands and knees to assist McSherry in his search.