President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:


NASA granted $350 to fund upcoming manned mission to Mars


Greatly expands State Department’s available office space


Allocates $1 billion for across-the-board revitalization of nation’s underperforming prisons

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Defense budget raised to achieve long-standing goal of removing ballistic missiles from endangered weaponry list


Sea level increased by 4 percent


Unconscionable amount slashed from costume budget for Cincinnati Ballet’s spring production of Petrushka

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Larger Department of Veterans Affairs budget to accommodate upcoming spike in cases of PTSD


Pretty much in line with everyday Americans’ demand for more guns and fewer books, paintings, parks, doctors, schools, corruption investigations, scientists, and animals

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