Illustration for article titled Trump Spends National Prayer Breakfast Attacking God For Allowing Impeachment To Ever Happen

WASHINGTON—Unleashing a tirade on the supreme deity in an overtly partisan display at the traditionally nonpolitical event, President Donald Trump spent Thursday’s National Prayer Breakfast fiercely attacking God for allowing impeachment to ever happen. “As everyone knows, my family, your great country, and the presidency have been put through the ringer by this supposedly great God and the crooked angels who let this hoax happen,” said the president, boasting that his approval rating was far higher than the Lord’s would ever be while holding aloft a copy of The Washington Post’s front-page “Trump acquitted” headline and quipping that the Almighty did not seem so all-powerful anymore. “Honestly, folks, this is a very dishonest and corrupt creator we’re talking about. He says He loves everybody, but He’s really a fool and a liar. Frankly, our maker never should have been given the power to create the Universe, let alone pull the strings to humiliate me in front of the entire country. Hate to say it, but it’s true.” At press time, the gathering of Christian preachers and prayer groups gave Trump a thunderous standing ovation after the president said that the Lord could eat shit and he was looking forward to when His Holiness finally died.

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