Illustration for article titled Trump Supporter Comes Away From Democratic Debate With Pretty Clear Idea Of Which Candidate He’s Going To Kill

LANCASTER, OH—Admitting that he had been struggling to identify which candidate he preferred, local Trump supporter James Brimhall told reporters Wednesday that he came away from the Democratic debates with a more clear idea of who he wanted to kill. “Early on, I thought it was definitely going to be Biden, but a lot of other candidates made great points about why they needed to be killed to save America, so I was really torn,” said Brimhall, who claimed hearing Bernie Sanders’ arguments for universal healthcare put him at the top of his list for a few months. “I was actually flirting with Andrew Yang for a bit—his freedom dividend seems like exactly the kind of idea I need to cleanse from the face of the Earth, but there wasn’t much beyond that. I’m honestly leaning towards Warren now. She has a lot of proposals, and her fire during the debate really stood out as something I would want to destroy. Plus, I like that she’s a woman.” Brimhall added that we would probably hold off making his final decision until after President Trump singles one out as an enemy of America.


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