Illustration for article titled Trump Turns On Fox News And Tells Aides To Make Whatever They’re Saying A Lawem/em

WASHINGTON—Demanding aides write down every single word from the morning’s Fox & Friends broadcast, President Trump turned on Fox News Tuesday and directed his staff to take everything its anchors were saying and make it into a law, White House sources confirmed. “Whatever they’re talking about right now, just draft it up and put it on my desk so I can sign it,” said Trump as he reportedly rewound the TiVo in the Oval Office dining room and replayed a sound bite from Steve Doocy that is expected to become the law of the land by the end of the week. “There’s a lot of really good material here—you’ve got the caravan, stuff about guns, ISIS—make sure you get it all down. You hear the places where they’re chuckling? Put that in there, too. I want everything.” At press time, sources said the president’s aides were handing him a final draft of an executive order that appeared to be a verbatim 60-page transcription of Your World With Neil Cavuto, complete with the text of several ads for IHOP and Sandals Resorts.


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