INDIANAPOLIS—His stomach reportedly sinking immediately after he entered the line at his polling place and caught sight of the complete oaf sitting behind the volunteer table, local voter Steven Wu confirmed Tuesday that he was dreading being sent over to a visibly stupid election worker to receive his ballot. “Oh God, look at this dummy—they better not point me toward him,” said Wu, who grew increasingly nervous as he moved up in line and witnessed the slow-moving and slow-witted moron apologize to several voters in a row after mistaking a stack of provisional ballots for regular ballots and subsequently knocking a container of markers onto the floor. “Ugh. Now he’s saying he locked himself out of the computer that has all the voters’ names in it. Jesus Christ, this guy’s as dumb as a post.” At press time, Wu was silently cursing to himself as the spectacular dumbfuck got up to ask the polling place’s most competent volunteer for help.

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