Illustration for article titled Weird Debate Viewer Using Tonight To Inform Herself About Candidates’ Policy Stances

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Looking on in bewilderment as the woman paid close attention to each answer provided by Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, sources confirmed Sunday that weird debate viewer Hayley Polantz was using tonight’s town hall forum to inform herself about the nominees’ policy positions. “I think it’s important to hear where both candidates stand on the issues so I can make an educated choice when I vote,” said the wildly eccentric Polantz, whose plan for the evening reportedly involved listening carefully to the proposals put forth by each candidate and then considering how closely their stated views on the economy, foreign policy, and criminal justice aligned with her own. “Hopefully, Hillary will talk more about her plan for free college tuition and Trump will clarify his ideas for curbing illegal immigration. I haven’t seen too much about either of their tax plans, but once they lay those out, that should give me a better idea of who I’m going to support in November.” Sources reported that the bizarre viewer went on to make an even more outlandish claim, stating that if there were any policy areas the candidates didn’t touch upon during the night’s debate, she would go online and read up on them in more specific detail.

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