Illustration for article titled What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public:

Biggest source of income is a successful Dave & Buster’s franchise in Paramus, NJ


Tried to write off Eric Trump as a business expense

Has a true calligrapher’s hand

Funnels all his money through a shady shell corporation called Trump Organization

Could actually be getting bit more money back by just taking standard deduction

Was granted a two-year exemption from 2011-2013 when he served as a Peace Corps volunteer in Malawi


Failed to report $3.23 interest earned on Chase savings account

Uses exact same tax havens as establishment politicians

Is 39 years old

$600 monthly reported income from Virginia Beach duplex rental

Wrote off $350 million in apartment construction costs as charitable donation given the unimaginable luxury he was providing to tenants


Miss Missouri valued at only $30,000

Still paying off top few floors of Trump Tower

Used a number of underhanded tax maneuvers you have no chance of understanding


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