WASHINGTON—Claiming that the current record failed to accurately represent the exchange that occurred during Monday’s press conference, White House officials announced Tuesday their correction of the official transcript to add a few more insults about the involved female reporter. “We’ve released a new transcript of the exchange between President Trump and ABC News’s Cecilia Vega that precisely reflects how tired Ms. Vega looked, how ugly her dress was, and how whiny her voice sounded,” read the accompanying statement from the White House, explaining that the original record of the conversation omitted far too many misogynistic and disparaging remarks to be truly representative of the president’s intentions. “It’s our duty to make sure that the official transcript reflects not only how little we think of Ms. Vega as a reporter, but also of the entire failing ABC fake-news operation as a whole. At the time of the exchange, President Trump was very frustrated and exhausted with how utterly pathetic the reporter’s question was, so he unfortunately let slip fewer barbs about her physical appearance and intellectual capabilities than he would have otherwise.” At press time, the record had been corrected once more to deny the existence of any previous version of the transcript.

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