Illustration for article titled White House Hires Top Hollywood Agent To Pitch Action-Packed, High-Concept War With Iran To American Public

LOS ANGELES—As part of their effort to sell an armed conflict that would be far bigger and more dramatic than anything modern audiences have seen, White House officials hired a top Hollywood agent Monday to help them pitch the American public on an action-filled, big-budget war with Iran.


Sources confirmed Lex Feldman, a longtime partner at Creative Artists Agency, has already begun shopping the project billed as “a classic tale of good vs. evil” and set to star President Trump and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. Also attached is John Bolton, the adviser best known for his work on the Iraq War, which was met with immediate acclaim in both American and British markets.

According to reports, the war will feature high-tech sequences of an oil tanker on fire in the Persian Gulf intercut with Americans huddled around televisions and radios, their mouths agape as they realize the only way forward is to invade a powerful nation of 85 million people.


“Picture this: We open on a desert covered by a darkened, ominous sky before focusing the narrative on our villains, the Ayatollah and his band of devious mullahs,” Feldman told prospective American buyers, promising the conflict would be like “Iraq on steroids” and would please those who admired earlier epics such as Afghanistan and Vietnam. “The only thing that can stop this crazed leader from conquering the United States and enslaving us all under Sharia Law? Brave American families willing to send their sons and daughters to fight for the cause of regime change in Iran.”

“We could even tinker with the scenario just a bit and make it so the war quickly spreads across the region and the rest of the world,” Feldman added. “This war will be huge for fans of death and destruction.”


At press time, the White House had reportedly decided to green light the war and picked up an option for a sequel set on the Korean Peninsula.

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