Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine:


Children:

Nat Kaine—an active duty infantry officer in the United States Marine Corps—and two others

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Previous Occupation:

Prospective vice presidential candidate


Years Spent Sort Of Blending Into Scenery:

58


Religious Views:

Weird kind of Catholic where you don’t let it affect your political decision-making

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Likability:

It’s becoming increasingly clear this doesn’t matter


Favorite Food:

Plain


Relationship To Banks:

Committed, long-term


Childhood Dream:

To help shore up support among conservative Democrats and secure a pivotal swing state

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Biggest Strength:

Can speak Spanish almost as well as the many actual Hispanic candidates Clinton could have chosen

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Biggest Liability:

As Virginia governor, appointed Robert Bloxom as State Secretary of Agriculture and Forestry, and look how that shit-for-brains fucked everything up

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Volunteer Work:

Has worked as missionary converting Hondurans and, more recently, undecided voters

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Political Positions:

Please refer to HillaryClinton.com

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